What to do if you find out your teen is vaping?

Finding out your teen is vaping can be a discouraging experience. The affects of nicotine on the brain and body are significant. You want your teen to find other ways to manage stress. You also want them to realize this habit isn’t “cool”.

As we know, there are so many ways to change the way we feel throughout a given day. It is my passion, to offer hope to teens on ways to feel better.

In one of my recent therapy groups, teens began talking about how schools are installing vape detectors in bathrooms. Getting caught vaping at school is leading to expulsion.

What followed, was their feelings on their ambivalence to quit.  One teen opened up about how she hates that she started vaping.  “I never thought I’d start vaping.  I’m an athlete.  I have a lot of guilt and shame around it.  Being confronted by a staff member I admire, further perpetuated my feelings of guilt and shame.  I felt like an awful person.”

Granted, what the schools are doing is necessary, as it shines the light on very concerning problem. A teen might have to loose it all to actually be ready to quit.

I what I want nothing more, than to get teens off nicotine too. I have some other ideas, however, on how we need to handle this, once the teen is caught.

Guilt and shame can be powerful motivators towards helping addicts quit. The way in which teens are approached when they are caught, can make all the difference. Anyone you talk to that has worked in the field of addiction for years, will tell you that respect, compassion and care are vital in helping addicts quit.

As the group progressed, we began to discuss this topic at greater length. As we know, human beings are complex. We will do everything we can to hide parts of ourselves, and send an image to the world that might not be congruent with who we really are. It’s through sharing those broken parts of ourselves, where the healing begins.

In being able to connect with your teen on this issue, I encourage you to share the “good and bad” sides to yourself. This will level the playing field, and allow your teen to see that you are aware of your “light and darkness”. Convey to your teen that we all desire to make choices that in accordance with who we say we are. For example, if I say I am a considerate person, yet I leave my shopping cart in the parking lot, I’ve just deviated from who I say I am.

What does leaving a shopping cart in a parking lot, have to do with vaping addictive nicotine? Alot. If you can get in touch with your own dark side, you can have a conversation with your teen that will show you are also working towards greater congruence with your actions and choices. As your teen sets goals to quit vaping, set a goal for yourself as well. When a teen sees that their parents are also a continuous work in progress, they will find you more approachable.

This will open the door of communication with your teen, and make the experience of accountability and growth more universal. This discussion could motivate your teen towards wanting to live a life where they convey to the world one congruent sense of self. One that operates at a high level of integrity. One that feels proud, that despite how hard their day was, they found something else to turn to than vaping.

As the discussion in group continued, another teen added, “I don’t care if I live a long life.” What lies behind that statement is what is going to help this kid quit.  The depression, shame and sadness is what’s driving the need to numb out.

It’s so hard to stay curious and interested, when your teen is choosing to damage their health. Ultimately, they need to be the ones that decide they no longer want to continue this habit. Treating them with respect, care and clear boundaries can be a start.

Help your teen see that living in the world substance free is so much more satisfying than they might think.

In order to help them stop this habit, the key lies in helping them form a congruent sense of self.  A congruent sense of self?  Who cares about that anyways?  I just want my kid off nicotine.

You see, teens don’t see things from a bigger picture perspective.  If you can help them see what it feels like to live a life free of shame and guilt, it could help motivate them.

The following week in group, one of the teens admitted to having 7 days nicotine clean of nicotine. While she still expressed ambivalence, she was on her way towards a clear commitment.