Is your teen ready to date?
Everything feels like it is moving at lightening speed in parenting your teenager. Just as you get adjusted to one change with your teenager, you are thrown another. Finding out that your teen is interested in dating, can bring up a host of feelings.
If your ready to approach this topic with your teen, you want to be prepared. Start by focusing less on the actual “permission” to date, and more on what type of conversations you are having with your teen. Here are 10 things to consider, to help you walk into this conversation confidently:
Stability- Emotions can be very high when dating. Your teen will experience the highs and lows no matter what. They need to have plan in place to know this prior to dating. Be sure they can be open in their communication and need for support. Dating will increase life’s complexities, if its not the right person.
Pressure- Do they feel pressured to date, or do they genuinely feel that they’d like a companion? Far too often, I see teens rushing to check boxes. Most of the time their friends will support wherever they are at. Help them slow down and think of this closer.
Focus- What is their plan to not loose focus on what matters most- school work, family, hobbies, chores, etc. This person is an addition to their life, not their life.
Social Media- Talk with your teen about getting to know their crush as much as possible face to face. Help them hold standards for consistent behavior, both face to face and online.
Meeting the date- Your teen should be able to invite this person over. Schedule a brief activity together. For example, pumpkin carving, cooking, a card game. This is less invasive than a sit down talk, and a more natural way for you to get a sense of this teen.
Healthy Relationships- Talk with your teen about trying to find out less if this person will like them, and more how they feel in the persons company. Is this an attraction that leaves them desperately waiting for a response or approval? Or does this person feel consistent and reliable? Who is this person outside of the relationship? Is this person admirable- values, hobbies, traits, etc.
Consent & Physical Intimacy- Talk with your teen about pacing and developing emotional intimacy before physical. Does this person listen, follow thru for me, remember what is important for me? Those are prerequisites for getting involved physically. This is also the time you want to talk about pregnancy and sexually transmitted infections.
House Rules- When this person is over at the house, what are the rules? Doors open? It is important they respect the rules in your home.
Meeting the other teens parents- Try to get to know the parents of the teen. Even if you are in contact via text, it is better than not knowing them at all.
If your teen follows all these steps, dating is something to be excited about! Just think, you have the chance for your teen to develop a healthy relationship. How many of you had a chance for someone to guide you, at this young of an age, towards a healthy companionship.
If you or your teen needs support around this topic, please don’t hesitate to reach out! I’d love to support you!
